Be Helpful!

My dear friend Evan always ask a simple question that has stuck in my mind. He simply says, “How can I be helpful?”

This question embodies the significant life. Success is fine but what I really want, my deepest desire, is to be helpful. I want to be deeper than success alone allows. I want to be significant to other people. I want to make a deeper impact than making money or providing resources or service. If I am successful, it provides me with resources to be more helpful and that is a win-win for a person striving to be significant. I want to be significant. If you take a moment to think about the most influential people in your life, you most likely will find that they were helpful. There was a time you had a need and they filled it. It may have been a physical need and they had the resource available to help. What was significant was that they were willing to be helpful. They didn’t have to be but they chose to be. That is significant.  

All to often we cut ourselves short on just how helpful we can be. We make excuse like I don’t have time or money or ability. In most cases those masks are excuses that cover up the fact that we just don’t want to. If I want a sandwich, you know what I do? Right. I go make myself a sandwich. If I go to the fridge and there is nothing to make a sandwich with, I hit the grocery or the local Subway. Either way if I want a sandwich I usually get sandwich. We usually do exactly what we really want to do. We make excuses for what we don’t want to do. Occasionally there are those times when there are reasons beyond our control that prevents us from being helpful, but those are rare. Usually being helpful comes down to a simple matter of “want to.”

If you want to be helpful, you can. The idea that helping others is costly is a bad rumor. Most people want to help themselves and all they need is a nudge in the right direction. Many times be significant in the lives of others is nothing more than encouragement to do what they already know they should be doing. It doesn’t cost much at all. A smile, a little time it takes to listen and a few questions. It really don’t cost that much.

I know you don’t have time. Life is so busy. I am amazed with all the technology we have to make things more effecient that we have less time for one another than we did when we had to find a pay phone to make a call. We don’t have time to listen to a great story of overcoming, a struggle or share conversation but we have plenty of spare time to troll Facebook for hours a day. Research shows that the average American spends almost four hours per day on some kind of media. Listening to music, watching TV, checking our news feed, watching YouTube videos has replaced live interaction. We have time. What we don’t have is true aim at the target of how to spend that time. There is still 24 hours in every day. We just have to determine that we are going to spend those hours effectively. 

I am convince the down fall of significant relationships started with the invention of the air conditioner. Now, stay with me here. I love my HVAC. I have mumbled some words I shouldn’t during times that it wasn’t working properly. However with the comfort of a cool house and convenience, we quit going outside. When I was a kid it was miserable to be inside. Actually in the summer months of East Tennessee it was hotter in the house than it was outside. Besides if I was in the house the likelihood of my mom finding me some kind of chore increased considerably. My solution, don’t stick around. It was far more comfortable and fun to not be in the house. Because I was now out and about roaming the neighborhood, I bumped into my neighbors. I played in the creek and ran thru the woods. Along with my little pack of friends, I played football (which resulted in losing a front tooth), basketball, fox and hound, cops and robbers. Everyday was an adventure. But when we got some cool air running thru the house it was just more comfortable to sit, watch TV and vegetate. I’m not any fashion suggesting that we ban comfortable temperatures inside American homes. I’m suggesting that if you are a parent be intentional about getting your child outside. If you are a young person, make yourself familiar with the neighbors and the neighborhood. Go knock on the door of that couple who lives two houses down and ask if it’s ok if you have dinner with them. That would be hilarious (I might try that one myself). What I found was those relationships with my neighbors young and old had significant impact on my life. I was molded, shaped and forever impacted by my being out in the world around me. I know times have changed and in many neighborhoods it just isn’t as safe as it once was. I understand, but that is no excuse to refuse the bonds that can be built doing something together uninterrupted with someone of significance in your life.  

Let me give you a couple examples. My friend has a son. One day his son informs him that he wants a playstation. My friend replies, “You have two playstation, one is called the front door, the other we call the back door, go PLAY!’ Priceless dad response. Really what my friend was doing was teaching his to be active. We need to be out and about. We may actually bump into someone who change our lives. Another story. My son loves salsa. Since we have air conditioning he would sit on the couch and eat chips and salsa all day if we would allow it. I schemed the idea that maybe we could make our own salsa. So we got the material to make garden boxes and planted the ingredients we would need to make our own salsa. The Perry brand was born. Now, to be completely honest, my son didn’t really do a lot work on the build or the gardening. He did however eat the salsa. The time we did spent nailing 2x6 boards together and checking on the jalapeños was priceless. Our garden wasn’t going to win any kind of prize. There were just as many weeds as vegetables, but it did produce enough to create a few jars of delightful pico and salsa. Significant bonding cost me a few hours, a couple 2x6’s, and several bags of nacho chips. That little venture was an investment.

Most often being helpful to others is more of an investment than a handout. What I have discovered is that significant relationship pay back more than they cost. Whether your planting a garden or having dinner with the neighbors both parties are usually going to reap a reward. We simply just need to look at being helpful to others. Look for a need and fill it. You will become Significant to someone else. Smile, look people in the eye and speak a kind word. They won't know how to react the first time but eventually they may remove their mask and cut a doorway in the fence that keeps them trapped. Build some relationships with the people in your neighborhood. Be nice to your bank teller, your waitress, your hair dresser. If you are intentional and consistent you may get the opportunity to change a life.

I am convinced that I am unable to change the world. I’m just not that important and I’m ok with that. Truth is, if I could change the world it probably wouldn’t turn out that good anyway. What I can do is significantly change someone’s world. I can make a difference in the life of one or two maybe a dozen so, people. If my impact is significant enough they may just go out and do the some for a few others. That is building a significant legacy. That is the success I am striving for. I’m not special. I’m not an expert. I’m simply trying to follow the lead of my friend Evan and be helpful. It quite possibly could change the world.